(originally posted on my other blog, hybrid tumbleweed, 02-24-2006)
I am a thought junkie, of that there is no doubt. I think about anything and everything. I question, analyse, critique everything. Anything that enters my system via any of my senses becomes thought-fuel. I am quite good at recycling and reusing thoughts as well, but dammit, I just can't reduce them. I've tried meditation, but then I think about that process too much as well.
I am generally considered a calm, conscientious, reasonable and diplomatic person (I say this not to brag... there is, after all, a downside.) I have few, if any, enemies. I have rarely in my life engaged in fights. Much of this is because I do a great deal of thinking before I act (and after, but more on that later). In this way I generally avoid doing rash or stupid things that I may regret later. And once I do speak or act, my speech is edited, polished, ordered, and my actions, if there are any, calm and reasonable. If there are any... there's the rub.
I can also quite deftly think myself out of action when action is needed. Indeed, I can think myself out of many a thing that is good for me. The thought-tool used here is doubt--nit-picky, tedious, repetitive, self-defeating doubt. Oh yes, I can think myself to inaction as well as action. I can turn all the critical thinking skills in my mental toolbox against myself. The nerve. There are other negative uses of thought as well, but I've said enough.
Thought, especially critical, informed thought, is a very good thing. It is the cornerstone of understanding, respect, tolerance, and compassion. It is the difference between closed- and open-mindedness. It is the difference between the extremist and the moderate. Indeed, I believe the most important skill-set children ought to be taught at home and in school, besides reading, writing, and math, is the ability to think critically, to question everything, to reason. For the majority, this does not happen--there are many things teachers, parents, religious authorities, the State, etc., don't want questioned.
My problem, and I'm sure I'm not alone here, is that I often use thought against myself. I question my own abilities. I question the worth of my pursuits. And sometimes thoughts can turn dreams into flights of fancy a la Walter Mitty. Fun, but not effective.
Anyway, all this has given me a great deal to think about...
